so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
