your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
