I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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