I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I did not marry a roomba.
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