So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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