my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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