it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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