i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
