he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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