I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
