I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
