Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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