i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
