Porn is love you can see.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
