Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
