I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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