Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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