I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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