alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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