so explain again why im purple
no
now i know why i became what i already was.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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