She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
