I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
