This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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