To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
