I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
