Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
