YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
