so let's talk penis.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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