oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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