She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
