i think my tv is drunk
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
