dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
