.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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