I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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