well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
