y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
