it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
