Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
