I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
