Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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