We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
