I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
