Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
