So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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