I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
