I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
