just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
