Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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