Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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