her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
