So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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