I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
