I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I want to fling myself into the sun
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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